Why I choose to fight? Despite ISA

via dal-yel

What is there left for me? In this life? In this country? My notes still bare, untouched. I just don't know why, I spent a hell of a time in front of my computer screen, more than I have ever been with games. To learn the truth, to seek for a glint of hope? Truth I found, but not so much so with hope.

How could Malaysians be so apathetic? How could they not care for their own people? Perhaps that's the result of long divide and conquer rule, leaving us to see one another with distrust and lack of compassion. Are we fearful of our lives? Is what am I doing here, voicing out, ranting, activism a risk that not a common Malaysian can take? How about a little chat over coffee or tea? Would that land you in Kamunting?

Some of you would know that I had broken up with my more-than-one-year girlfriend. Our 2nd anniversary was due on Jan 8 next year. Despite our differences and the long distance that we had to endureth, (ya we're in LDR for such a long time, both of us are undergrads, and we only could see each other twice a year), there's another reason why I agreed to the break-up.

It happened on Sunday after 10-Eleven, she was scared for my safety, and she made me promised to not be involved in any demonstration until I graduate. It's pretty much like either us or demonstration kinda choice. I tried to reason with her, that it wasn't that dangerous and besides I know how to distance myself. She didn't say that I can be involved after graduation, I think there would always be reasons for me not to. I realised that I cannot provide her the security and the promise that she would see me everyday safe and sound, so I decided to let go.

I had to. Her culture and mindset is that of a Chinese ethno-centric kind, whenever you pop the issue to her like what happened this lately, she would suggest to move out of this country. I couldn't bring myself to agree with her. She could not even see the point of the greater good that we're fighting and risking it all for. Neither could I stand to live a life that serves unto me only. This is my land, the land on which my first blood was spilled the time I was born. How could it be so easy for me to migrate?

I lived in Brunei for 5 years when I was a kid. There are times that I felt like I wished I had a Bruneian PR, even more a Bruneian citizenship. It was such a rich country, and continues to be now. Everytime I go back to Miri, I would stay for most of the time with my parents working in Berakas, Brunei. It's so peaceful, where the crime of murder is so rare, that if you're lucky you only get one murder report in a year. Same goes with other hideous crimes like rape. That is despite the fact that there are many, and I really mean many, foreign workers. We have such a benevolent King, the Sultan, who looked after us, all of us, who could go so low as to mingle with his common subjects. |more...|